By: Frankie Benvenuti

Everyone has a breaking point, even athletes who are playing the game they love. 

Jamey Smart is no different. The Ottawa Titans’ infielder began playing independent baseball in 2018, after finishing his career at Loyola Marymount in the NCAA. Stops with multiple leagues, including a handful of teams in the Frontier League took a toll on Smart, who was at a crossroads in life. 

Ahead of the 2022 season, he began what he describes as something of a “quarter-life crisis,” deciding that baseball wasn’t right for him at that moment. Weeks before the season began, he phoned his would-be manager, and informed him he wouldn’t be at spring training, and wouldn’t be playing in 2022. 

“I was ready to go with the Washington Wild Things, and three weeks before the season, I just wasn’t in a good headspace,” Smart remembered. “I needed to get things on track, and figure out what my life would look like after baseball. I made the tough decision to step away from it, and I thought I was done for good.” 

On the cusp of his 26th birthday, the decision was a difficult one, as Smart feared what was yet to come in his life. He returned home, where one of his college teammates had become a teacher, and a baseball coach. 

As he began to become more comfortable with life without baseball, Smart started to hear more requests from his friend to take up substitute teaching, which eventually, he caved to, figuring the worst-case scenario was finding something he could cross off his list. 

In time, Smart found himself genuinely enjoying teaching, and still considers it to be a potential career path later in life, but as summer neared, and the school year coming to a close, he thought about a potential return to baseball, something he was starting to feel mentally ready for. 

Smart reconnected with John Stevens, who he met in 2020, and served as the Titans’ Hitting Coordinator. He got back into the batting cage, and immediately, felt right a home once again, opening the door to signing with the Titans. 

“I started getting that itch,” Smart said. “Bobby [Brown] came and saw me hit with John, and things started to fall into place. I was in good shape, my swing felt good, and I had some mental clarity, and Bobby liked what he saw.” 

In Smart’s case, distance truly did make the heart grow fonder, but the decision to come back to baseball was complicated. He didn’t want to go through the same hardships again, and he didn’t want to carry the burden of feeling like he let his skipper down. He took his time, and focused on what the sport really meant to him. 

“Having lived over a year without baseball, I realized that there are a lot of things a season provides that you can never find in regular life,” Smart explained. “Once I’m done, I’ll never experience the clubhouse life ever again, just hanging out and being goofy, while competing, being a hitter standing in the box.” 

His time away from the sport and the new-found clarity isn’t the cure-all people would like to think it is, however. Smart still struggles at times, but his work during his hiatus, and focus on mental health have helped him power through. 

“People hear that you’re playing indy ball and they think it’s cool, and it is, but there’s ups and downs in a season,” Smart said. “It can be a revolving door, and it’s hard to create a sense of stability, then you consider travelling and needing to perform, it’s hard. You’re doing all that and not making much money.” 

“It’s a side of the sport that can get overlooked. In the history of baseball, the mindset has always been that it’s just what you have to go through, and that’s somewhat true, but you have to have the tools to be able to deal with it in a healthy way. There are way too many ways to deal with it that aren’t suitable for a healthy lifestyle.” 

One of the keys for Smart has been the people around him in the clubhouse, and on the bus. Creating bonds with new friends, who come from very different backgrounds, has allowed Smart to be himself, and find comfort when things get uncomfortable. 

“We have a good group of guys that I have developed some good friendships with,” Smart said. “That’s the biggest thing, being able to have people that have your back, and people you can trust.” 

Other times, creating occasions to breathe and relax has been the solution. 

“I like to take some slow time,” Smart said. “I’ve been exploring Gatineau Park, and just take time to separate and realize that baseball isn’t everything.” 

It’s all just another brick in the wall that is Smart’s life. Another chance to learn, another opportunity to grow, and above all, a time to soul search and figure out who he really is.